Confronting a.d.d. in all this... wow check out that bag blowing in the wind!

My mind is so full of thoughts twirling around like little girls with pretty streamers on a sunny day. I was reading a book about a.d.d. that talked about harnessing your add-ness to develop talents and solidify a career. It mentioned also the characteristic of impulsivity in adults with add. I sort of had an aha! moment when I thought about all the awkward moments I created and people I offended when I opened my mouth without thinking. (I probably sat there for 10 minutes reminiscing with a horrified look on my face.) Everything clicked, I mean I knew I had add, but I never realized all the junk that came with it. I always thought there was something seriously wrong with me when I said something before I filtered it through my brain, because after I said it I always realized how offensive the statement I spewed from my mouth really was. I thought maybe I just haven't matured yet, because usually you hear the things I say from toddlers. Even now though, I still make the occasional faux-pas. I was waiting all through jr. high and high school for that social moment of clarity that never came. Not only does my impulsivity affect my social life, but I am impulsive when it comes to cleaning, spending money, emotions, and (during school years) homework. I knew I could get good grades. I just never got my homework done, I never studied for tests, and I always got overwhelmed and distracted when I did try. I would get frustrated and give up. I felt so stupid, I am tearing up just typing this. I was labeled lazy and uncooperative. It's frustrating figuring all this out now. I am trusting God no matter what. I am thankful I have such a faithful, gracious God who never leaves me or forsakes me.

Turning twenty in twenty ten...

The 2nd of October was my 20th birthday which calls for another entry. The first thing I did for my big 20 was watch, well really I fell asleep watching Beauty and the Beast at midnight. I was dreading this birthday, because both my brother and my dad would be at my brother's cross country meet in Peoria and mom was working both jobs that day. I knew I would be home alone all day. Not the best way to celebrate a birthday by any means. I woke up early, about 5am. My cat had been playing with a plastic bag in my room and woke me up in the process. I was definitely cranky about that. The first thought to plow through my drowsy brain was: This birthday is going to SUCK. In all actuality, it did look like a very grim day for me. God definitely grabbed me and shook me out of my selfishness with the next thought that popped into my brain ever so softly: It's only going to suck if you hold onto that thought all day. I realized at that moment in my head I was not throwing a birthday party but a pity party. I knew in my heart that I could make my day fun if I really wanted to even though I was limited to the house and only myself. So I went to a cross country meet of some great middle school girls that go to my church, and I did have loads of fun cheering for my lovely ladies and eating porkchop sandwiches and cookies. Arriving home, I plopped onto the recliner and cozied under a blanket. A friend texted me as I relaxed and wished me Happy Birthday and also invited to spend the day at scenic drive. (It's like a huge fall flea market, with yummy food and lots of fun. I had loads of fun. My birthday really was very happy. I have to go now, my dinner is waiting.