Hallelujah!

The final surgery of the year has been defeated. No words can ever express the feelings of happiness, brokenness, thankfulness, and relief. I feel so thankful God shaped me and matured me through this maddening year. I feel, almost... victorious? I think that most describes how I feel when glancing through the events of the year. It's over, and I can't help but bursting into tears as I type. I know that I will require surgery in 20 to 30 years, but that seems lifetimes away. God has been so good to me, so patient. I have been stubborn. No, not stubborn. I have been more complacent, than stubborn. I chose to ignore the wickedness in my heart. I have a real problem with patience. I hate waiting. I lose my patience with no reason. I can be very impatient with my parents. Usually it is when they are asking a bunch of questions that I think are stupid. I get annoyed very quickly. Sometimes I will stop myself and ask why I am so annoyed, and when I think about it I have no reason. Part of it is because of my add/adhd, but it's more because I chose not to see it. When I did see it, I dismissed it as "not a big deal". For awhile I thought it was just anger issues, but I know that I get annoyed more than angry because I feel like I don't have time to answer stupid questions. So that alone has been a huge struggle this year. I'm so glad God is gracious and forgiving. I can't imagine why or how God can be so patient and forgiving with us (humans). We are so wicked. I am thankful none the less. My favorite verse that sums up my years struggles and triumphs would be Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life."