They are using my affection for them to hurt each other. I am being dragged into this divorce war that I should really have no part of. My youth pastor is counseling me and we've decided the best thing I can do is avoid them, because when I listen to them rip apart the other parent, I am enabling them into thinking that it's okay. I don't even have the support of my parents, because they would rather air their dirty laundry to me.
Anything I say, they twist and use as ammo against each other. My dad
asked me if I heard any rumors about him cheating on my mom and I told him the
truth. I told him that she had mentioned it to my brother and I. She was suspicious and she had some substantial evidence
to back it up. He became furious. He started yelling about how she is a gossip
and a control freak and she is spreading rumors about him to ruin his
reputation. At that moment I felt like I had single-handedly
ruined my parents marriage for good. People are spreading rumors about my dad and his old job and his relationship with my mom, which really
bugs me.
For an hour I heard him ranting and he said there are things he could tell me about my mom that would shock me, but he won't because he wants me to love her. I'm just trying to survive in my own house right now. I count myself lucky if my parents don't talk to each other at all on any given day. Otherwise, I am the one who has to maintain peace between them.
I'm a college student. I used to have my own life before my parents decided they were going to split up. I'm losing more and more of myself everyday that I remain in this house. Their problems have consumed my life. Some days I feel great, but today is not one of those days. I have homework to do, a youth band to lead, lines to memorize, a Sunday morning church service worship set list to organize, laundry, practice for voice lessons, practice piano, two books to read... and my own set of issues to deal with like my depression and ADHD. (I need to try ADHD medication while I'm thinking about it. I'm far from focused anymore.) I rarely have motivation to accomplish any of these tasks, especially now. Then the tasks build up, and I feel lazy and I feel bad about myself for not being able to handle it. It's a vicious cycle.
I have a one friend who spends time with me but has problems of her own. I want to be there for her but I am spent. I want to tell her all of this, but I don't want to bring her down.
I desperately want to move out and cut off my parents from my life for awhile. I have no money and no job otherwise I would have moved out awhile ago. I'm overwhelmed and frustrated and spent. I'm trying to trust God and give my cares to Him. I really am. I was doing well and I was happy for awhile but right now I'm just discouraged.
This is all coming from a place of hurt and desperation. I want so much to be able to move on, but I can't as long as I'm in this house. God is working this together for my good. All this pain will pay off one day, I believe that with all my heart. But it doesn't make the hurt go away. I have a close relationship with God because of all this, of which I'm extremely thankful.
God is my lifeline right now. I need a network of Christian friends my age to support me. I may not have access to that right now, maybe God will provide me with some friends. Either way God is still in control and can give me everything I need, simply from His presence. Not my will, but God's be done. I will follow Him through all of this. No matter how difficult it may become, I will take it up and follow Jesus. No matter what happens, I have faith, I have hope, and most importantly I have God. He's all I need.
Luke 9:23
Then he said to them all: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."
For an hour I heard him ranting and he said there are things he could tell me about my mom that would shock me, but he won't because he wants me to love her. I'm just trying to survive in my own house right now. I count myself lucky if my parents don't talk to each other at all on any given day. Otherwise, I am the one who has to maintain peace between them.
I'm a college student. I used to have my own life before my parents decided they were going to split up. I'm losing more and more of myself everyday that I remain in this house. Their problems have consumed my life. Some days I feel great, but today is not one of those days. I have homework to do, a youth band to lead, lines to memorize, a Sunday morning church service worship set list to organize, laundry, practice for voice lessons, practice piano, two books to read... and my own set of issues to deal with like my depression and ADHD. (I need to try ADHD medication while I'm thinking about it. I'm far from focused anymore.) I rarely have motivation to accomplish any of these tasks, especially now. Then the tasks build up, and I feel lazy and I feel bad about myself for not being able to handle it. It's a vicious cycle.
I have a one friend who spends time with me but has problems of her own. I want to be there for her but I am spent. I want to tell her all of this, but I don't want to bring her down.
I desperately want to move out and cut off my parents from my life for awhile. I have no money and no job otherwise I would have moved out awhile ago. I'm overwhelmed and frustrated and spent. I'm trying to trust God and give my cares to Him. I really am. I was doing well and I was happy for awhile but right now I'm just discouraged.
This is all coming from a place of hurt and desperation. I want so much to be able to move on, but I can't as long as I'm in this house. God is working this together for my good. All this pain will pay off one day, I believe that with all my heart. But it doesn't make the hurt go away. I have a close relationship with God because of all this, of which I'm extremely thankful.
God is my lifeline right now. I need a network of Christian friends my age to support me. I may not have access to that right now, maybe God will provide me with some friends. Either way God is still in control and can give me everything I need, simply from His presence. Not my will, but God's be done. I will follow Him through all of this. No matter how difficult it may become, I will take it up and follow Jesus. No matter what happens, I have faith, I have hope, and most importantly I have God. He's all I need.
Luke 9:23
Then he said to them all: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."
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