Time alone with God

My mind started revolving around one common theme throughout the day: "Why am I stuck here?". Not only physically stuck living in this town in my parents house, but mentally stuck with selfish thoughts, worried thoughts, anxious thoughts, thoughts of what others think of me, and thoughts of comparison toward my peers in college and me. I decided to shower, and the nagging thoughts pursued me. I was comparing myself to some friends who had an evident passion and love for God. They were successful, attractive, talented, and gave God the glory for it. I worry so much about what others think of me, and waste so much energy trying to erase my undesirable traits. I want others to like me so much, and my successful friends don't have to try to make others like them for it to happen. God rose a red flag in my mind because I forgot that His relationship with me is the only one that matters. God nudged the idea that if I want to grow close to Him; then I need to listen to Him and follow Him and make an effort to know Him. My life was about pleasing others, and trying to be someone I'm not so others will praise me. So after the shower I grabbed my devotion book and my bible and I went upstairs. My quick prayer beforehand was "Open my heart to what you will teach me God". The passage for today was Revelation 1:12-16. My first thought was what am I going to learn from revelation about being selfless, and caring more about pleasing God than others? But I read on reminding myself that I was already acting like I knew what God was going to teach me. The passage was about John banished to the island Patmos. Yet he was praising God. He prayed not for an escape from the island, but he prayed for others. He worshiped God by reciting scripture instead of worrying about his predicament. (Foot in my mouth moment #1) Then God revealed heaven, and the events of the end times. But what the devo book narrowed in on was the image of Jesus described by John. The image of Jesus as the Reigning King, Holy, and the First and Last is how He looks now. The devo stated that "How you view Jesus profoundly influences how you follow Jesus. Your perception of Jesus correlates to your pursuit of Jesus.". So many times I hear the name Jesus and I picture him as beaten, broken, and dying on the cross. God showed me that the more important part of the death and resurrection of Jesus is the actual resurrection of Jesus. He is alive! Trying to worship God with the image of "beaten Jesus" in my head diminishes my view of God's power and His ultimate control as the Creator of the universe. Yes Jesus cares for us, and yes Jesus died for us and wants to have a relationship with us, but I realized how wrong I was that that was all I saw in Jesus. Jesus has control over everything, even death. When I envision Jesus as Glorious, Powerful, Holy, and Perfect God; I forget about the opinions of others. I not only know that pleasing God is more important than pleasing others, but I believe it with all my heart.