Guarding my heart

It's been awhile since my last entry... not much has happened these few weeks. I have been working at mcdonalds more, embarrassing myself and enthusiastically pouring my energy into jr. high youth group, and singing with the church band every other Sunday. Although it has been an amazing blessing bouncing off the walls with middle schoolers, using the gifts God gave me in singing, and working more to earn more moolah toward fall tuition; it has been exhausting. So on my first free Saturday night in eons, I was elated to be going out with friends. We decided on trekking to a new club specifically for young adults under 21, so no alcohol served whatsoever. An alcohol free night of girl time and laughing at my awkward attempts at dancing seemed too perfect! We arrived at 10:30 at a college campus and searched the for some friends that would walk us to the club. My stomach dropped when we found our male guides whom I never met, and they told us we were going to hang out somewhere close until it opened. My stomach continued to sink even further while we followed them and deflated when we entered a frat house. I started feverishly praying for guidance and safety and wisdom and the Peace of God. We walked into a room decorated with beer labels and college guys surrounding a pool table playing beer pong. I knew right away that my night was over. I had to go. I texted my dad to pick me up and prayed for strength to take a stand, and testify my relationship with God without shame. I turned to my group and told them that I couldn't stay. I studied their faces as I told them that this was against everything I stood for. That it was my personal decision to leave. I told them that drinking was not my thing. As I stumbled through the rest of my explanation, my friends looked disgusted. And for the first time in my life, I did not care what they thought or said about me. It was freeing. I truly knew and believed with all my heart and soul that God's approval was more important and way more fulfilling. I told them my dad was picking me up. They decided to stay but I assured one of my other friends who told me she was uncomfortable, that she could come with if she wanted. The hardest part of that situation was not deciding to leave, but how to leave. Explaining my reason for leaving was most difficult. I didn't want to ruin my testimony by acting arrogant, but I did not want to be ashamed. Even though we left soon after and even if the club turned out to be legit and legal, staying would have been compromising. The emotions raging through my heart were so conflicting. Though I was sure of my decision, I left with a heavy heart. There was no victory music playing in the background. Although I stepped out in faith, I didn't feel as though everything would be ok. I am still concerned about my friends, and their salvation. Through it all God has graciously carried me with a peace that surpasses all understanding. God is so mighty to save. He continues to deliver me and I am thankful for his unending patience and grace for me. I have prayed for God to remain my focus each day, and asking for less of me and more of Him. Please pray for me and my relationship with these friends as I continue to witness to them.