The voices in my head are relentlessly attacking me today. I spent a few hours working on youth worship band stuff, then a six hour work day. I'm beat both physically and emotionally. I'm still praying for a friend. An accountability partner, someone who won't let me get away with stupid crap but I can be myself around, someone who puts God first. Someone I can pour myself into and someone who doesn't mind pouring themselves into me. I trust God, so if it isn't His will for me to have a close friend right now, I will just abide more in Him.
It's a no-go from my mother on the apartment. I agree with her. The neighborhood was sketchy, and (this is my own selfish desire coming out here) it is farther away from my friends and my job. I really really don't want to be more isolated than I already am. So we don't have to move! ...Yet...
You know what? God is good. I say this because I need a reminder more than anyone right now. I'm bummed out, but I have joy. I'm not very happy with who I am or what I've done to mess up my life, but I have joy. God is working on me and through me. I don't feel it and I don't see it, but I believe it with all of my heart.
I'm extremely excited for this Sunday. I'm going to attend a college bible study! ...Yes, I am that desperate for some interaction with other Christians, and yes, there is ultimate frisbee, and yes, I am a college student so obviously I looovve ultimate frisbee! (Although the last time I played ultimate frisbee, I was wearing a strapless shirt and dived for a frisbee and... well... let's just say I will never wear a strapless shirt... ever... ever ever again. Ever.
So now what? Where do I go from here? I'm in a doody mood. Well, I guess I'm doing alright since I just laughed at my usage of the word "doody." I guess that I just need to change perspective here. I've been so focused on my horrible qualities and all of my failures and idiotic moments. Here comes a list of things to be thankful for.
My new piano
My God is absolutely bananas for me
I weigh less than I did in high school... and most of junior high (Woot woot!)
God created me with the ability sing well
My singing ability has gotten all of my tuition payed for in a talent grant!! (PTL! ...that's the hip/christian way of say praise the Lord... yeah... we Christians have tried really hard to be hip... maybe we should just accept the fact that it's not going to happen...)
I love to sing
I am using my God given abilities for God's glory
God is full of grace... so no matter how much I screw up, He'll always love me.
I have a wonderful job
I bought some AWESOME comic books from the 70's and 80's at my wonderful job
(It's the little things that can add up to a big smile.... that sounds like a lame hallmark card.)
God is growing me through these trials... so the suffering is not in vain.
Psalm 30:5
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
...And I was just invited to a bonfire! Hooray for social interaction! Looks like I won't end up a hermit in my room tonight! I was going to clean my room, but duty calls!!! (Heh-heh...doody)
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