my facade fools only me...

Why do we put on facades? I can only speak for myself when I say my reason is: I think I am fooling others. Fooling others into thinking everything is ok. I am the foolish one for thinking that anyone else could not see through me. I have lived my life so used to hiding behind my phony self that it is now a habit. It takes a lot from me to shed my social self. I always felt since I am not pretty or thin or smart, I had to be the humorous friend. I felt I have to compensate in some way for my lack of good looks and intelligence. I love to read fantasy books. It is something my friends probably would not know about me. I read the fantasy books to escape from what I think is a mundane life. It is so much more comforting to pretend I am something else, to know that for awhile in my novel, I can forget my problems and jump into the battles of someone else. I think my life is not good enough. I never appreciate what I have until it's gone. Home life is getting difficult. It is so hard to watch my friends and family go out and drive around and have social lives. I would even like to get out and work. It's so hard to be thankful, but I know when all of this is over I will finally be able to walk around with no pain. But my praise and thankfulness should not be limited for the good, or easy times in my life. I cannot be a fair-weather christian.