Baby steps

I can't believe I posted that yesterday. I'm not sure if my parents would appreciate the public post about their divorce, because I'm still not sure if they want it going public. No one reads my blog anyway, so it shouldn't be much of an issue. I'm okay with that though. It's so freeing to be real and public, but still somewhat anonymous to those who know me. The divide in this household continues to widen, as we no longer hang out as a family. If I hang out with one parent, I feel I am betraying the other parent. I feel guilty when I'm only with my mom or dad, because I know the other is alone. I've been praying for the split up to happen soon. I used to pray that they would get back together, but I've accepted what is happening now. It hurts worse to see them together and so indifferent toward each other. I can't stand to live in this hostile war zone much longer. I feel I am all alone. Every interaction with mom or dad seems to have some ulterior motive behind it. They are involving me in their war, and I am their ammunition. I'm trying to counsel them and support them but all the while I'm hurting and broken from the situation. God has given me a miraculous amount of strength to be able to survive this long. He has sustained and provided for me despite all the hurt. I'm still clinging to God and trusting that God will work this divorce out to help me, maybe it's to develop my character, my faith, grow me spiritually, or simply to remember that He is God. I am open to whatever God has to teach me from this situation. Even when I feel unloved by my parents and friends, I can hold tight to the promises that Jesus loves me, this I know. I will serve God in the meantime, and continue to read His word, and communicate with Him daily. I am taking baby steps like focusing on the blessings God has given me, and listing everything I'm thankful for. It helps distract me from the hurt, and gives me a positive perspective on all that God really has given me. I have a warm, safe house, a great, loving church family, wonderful friends, a creative mind, a fun sense of humor, a kitchen full of junk food, a great education, a beautiful singing voice, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, a healthy body, healed hips, and a fun-loving brother. Even as I finish that list, I can't help but smile at God's goodness. Everything I have comes from Him. To God be the glory for it all.