Got to visit my dad in Moline yesterday and today. We bought a keyboard courtesy of my grandma. She paid for it all. It's nice to have it payed for but mostly it's nice to know someone believes in me and my God-given abilities.
I broke up with my boyfriend last night. I basically feel like I single- handedly ripped out his heart and my heart as well. I felt God calling me to break up with my boyfriend and pursue deeper relationship with Him and my relationship with my boyfriend is too much of a distraction. But it was a lovely distraction. The best distraction I have ever had.
This man was my lifeline during my parents splitting up. He is the reason I've survived thus far. He has helped me heal better than anyone because he knows what I'm going through better than anyone. He knows my heart and how to make me smile better than anyone else. I never had to worry about being a dork around him; he never judged me. He always made me feel beautiful. He made every day worth remembering. We could do anything in the world together or nothing at all and it would always be magical, leaving me euphoric. I love everything about him. He gets my humor and swept me off my feet every single day. He told me he loved me every chance he had and he always made my heart sigh. I looked forward to his texts every morning and hated the moment when we had to say goodnight. He is my best friend now and forever and will always hold a special place in my heart. God has something awesome in store for him. I believe that with all of my heart. He is a leader, he is extremely intelligent, and he is wise beyond his age. I will pray for him every single day in the hopes that He becomes everything God has called him to be. I've put him through the wringer, and I feel terrible. I've lost the best part of me and the best thing that has happened to me and only God's grace will help me heal.
But God's will is more important than all of this. More important than my security, loving and being loved by an amazing man, and any other desire. God has something awesome planned for both of us. As one of my wise friends said, "You can't deny God's will... well you can, but then you get eaten by whales." Never thought I would be able to smile ever again until he said that. I now will abide more deeply in Him than I ever have before.
With a heavy heart, I turn to God and wait on Him. Whatever he has in store for both of us will be epic and nothing is more fulfilling and rewarding than following God's will... well it doesn't feel like it right now... but it still rings true. I'm listening to the rain patter against the windows and watching the sun set, turning the sky a beautiful golden orange, and at the same time, I'm feeling the sun set on this phase of my life.
Philippians 2:12-13
Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in
my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.
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