It's the end of the world as we know it.

   It's been quite a while since my last post. Finals are less than a week away. I can taste winter break on my tongue; it tastes like onions and ketchup. My finals consist of Chemistry, Music Theory, and Public Speaking.
   Speaking of public speaking, I gave a speech only two days ago in that class. It was a persuasive speech. It was pretty persuasive in my opinion. The topic of said persuasive speech was "Prepare yourself for a zombie apocalypse."
   Yeah that's right. I dressed up like a crazy hobo on the street and... you know what? Just watch for yourself. It's up on facebook. Doing speeches like that and performing just makes me feel like I belong on this earth. I'm good at it, and people enjoy it. It's just something that is not very useful in the adult world unless you get a job in acting or something. Which is very very unlikely. So that bums me out a little.
   I've been very... what's the word... lackluster in my relationship with God. I mean, when I seek Him and spend time with Him, it's great. That time is few and far between though. I was so fired up over the summer. I encountered God like I never had before and He provided healing and blessing and it was wonderful... Now... well... life has gotten in the way.
   I hate how fickle I am. How can I be so easily distracted and seduced away from an amazingGod by frivolous idols? And most of the time, I don't even notice I haven't spent time with God in a while. It's messed up. I want to burn with passion for my Creator again. I want to thirst after God. I want life to suck until I spend time with God. I don't want to be able to live without Him. It's not really living without Him anyway.
   I'm ready to get out of Galesburg, but I'm kind of scared of what the next stage of life brings. I've become so comfortable here. Even in my loneliness and without a Christian community, I've been able to survive and become comfortable, because I've forgotten what it's like to be surrounded by people who love Jesus and build me up in my walk with Him.
   I'm afraid when I get to college, when I move on, I'm not going to find my niche. I'm going to fail. I don't want that. I want to be able to serve God with all of my weird talents and quirks and abilities, but I'm not sure how.
   I mentioned that every now and then I spend time with God, and it is amazing when I do. God has been so faithful to my lusting heart. He has provided and opened my eyes to His amazing grace every day. Over Christmas break, I plan to seek God more diligently. I want to know Christ. Really know Him and live my life worthy of His calling.
   I also plan to apply for colleges. I'm so so terrified of this. It's a huge step for me. I'm sure though, that when it's all said and done and look back on this, I'll be happy where I'm at and laugh at my fear of growing up. I'm an adult. Time to watch some Spongebob while I study chemistry. Peace out.