Joy to the world and stuff

   I never understood holiday depression until now. I had to spend two separate Christmases this year for the first time. I saw my dad last night, and stayed til 4 today, and now I'm back with my mom. I'd trade everything for my family to be together (and happy being together) for Christmas.
   After Mike and I left my dad's I started crying quietly in the passenger seat. I just hate saying goodbye to my dad. He now has to spend the rest of his holiday alone and I hate it. I hurt for him. He works so hard and comes home to an empty apartment and it kills me. I feel awful. I just want to be there for him. I love my dad so much, and it's just not fair that I don't get to see him. I look up to my dad for Godly advice and support. I can tell him everything and he doesn't judge me.
   I've been praying hard for him to find a friend and some sense of community to support him. I'm praying he finds everything he needs in God. I'm praying he isn't alone. I'm praying for his health and his bad knee to be as pain free as possible until he can get his knee surgery. I'm also praying that I will be available to help him when he does have his surgery.
   Christmas just isn't the same anymore. I don't find much joy in any of it. I do however, for the first time, fully understand and appreciate Christ's sacrifice for us in coming to earth as a human. I am trying to remain in awe of that and focus on the reason we are celebrating Christmas.
   It's just so hard right now because I feel all alone. I can't stop crying. I want to have fun with my family and experience happiness, but right now I just can't. I'm also trying to remember that so many people have it worse than me right now. I'm trying so hard to keep perspective and be thankful things are not worse. I really am trying. I'm trying to read God's word and let Him speak into my life, but I cannot even focus on reading.
   I just want to go to bed. Please know that I'm not throwing a pity party for myself right now, I'm trying so hard to fight this. I'm trying to guard my heart. It's just a losing battle as of right now. Please pray for me. I'm just in a lot of pain over this right now. I just want to spend time with God and draw strength from His presence.
   Isaiah 9:6
For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.