Glorified memories

   I've been reading through old facebook messages from old friends lately in the hopes of feeling more secure about myself by just remembering that someone used to care for me. I just wanted to remember what it was like to be loved and understood by someone close.
   As I read through the messages, I searched for that warm fuzzy feeling I used to get whenever I was around them. It just wasn't there. As I read on, I realized how much I had put this person on a pedestal. This person used to be my savior in so many situations. The once amazing friendship I thought had saved me from so much, was now nothing more than glorified memories.
   I'm not saying that I regret these friendships, or that these people don't mean anything to me now. God placed these certain people in my life to encourage, support, help me learn more about myself and my weaknesses, and teach me that even these amazing people who were so good to me still distracted me from my relationship with Him. I guess what's good for me isn't always what's best for me.
   I keep thinking I'm missing out on so much because I am single and have only a few close friends. I'm so insecure about who I am because I don't have that one special guy who loves me, loves God, and understands me better than anyone else.
   I've been looking for security in others, but to no avail. I want to find my redemption in another person. All the while, I'm trying to seek God, and at the same time, seek contentment in these fleeting things. How totally ridiculous. I cannot serve two masters anymore.
   I realize now, that all I want is Christ. Nothing else in this world even measures up. I can spend all my time doing what makes me feel good, but at the end of the day, it doesn't make me happy. My joy comes from Jesus.
   It's been really difficult seeking God through His word, because right now I'm reading through Ezekiel. It's a gloomy book of prophecy that is kind of a bummer. It's really hard to focus on applying gloomy prophecy to my own life. This morning I woke up, and all I wanted to do was read Ezekiel. I don't know why, and it definitely surprised me when I realized it. But I flipped open my laptop and read through Ezekiel. This one passage really stuck with me today...


Ezekiel 36:24-32
24” ‘For I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land. 25 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. 28 You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people, and I will be your God. 29 I will save you from all your uncleanness. I will call for the grain and make it plentiful and will not bring famine upon you. 30 I will increase the fruit of the trees and the crops of the field, so that you will no longer suffer disgrace among the nations because of famine. 31 Then you will remember your evil ways and wicked deeds, and you will loathe yourselves for your sins and detestable practices. 32 I want you to know that I am not doing this for your sake, declares the Sovereign Lord. Be ashamed and disgraced for your conduct, O house of Israel!

   God revealed this passage to me, and revealed Himself through this passage as well. I am not where I want to be right now, and I'm completely ashamed of my idolatry. But I am also so glad for these humbling experiences in my past. I've made horrible choices, but knowing that God will not let me make horrible choices without learning and growing from them is comforting.
   As I relax today and listen to the blizzard beat against this tiny house, I realize that my security lies in Christ alone. I now face my entire Christmas break, college applications, and time to spend with friends. Please pray that seek Christ through all of this. I need all the help I can get. God is good. All the time. It's so good to once again see how true this is.

"In Christ alone, my hope is found. He is my light, my strength, my song."