A feeble attempt at poetry.

   All these happy ever afters. Are you ever happy after? "If only" is your uphill battle cry. Crying and striving for just a little more to satisfy. Just go a little further, it will help affirm your worth. You're only worth something if someone tells you so.
   You give in and you're left broken and bare, completely torn apart inside. You're left writhing in pain, as empty as the promises of the world. Trying to cover up with the fig leaves of your pride. Grasping for fig leaves to cover your nakedness, cover it all before God approaches. He can't see you in this shameful state. He can't see you bare and wallowing in all your selfishness, idolatry, greed, lust, sin, and hate. 
   Damaged goods. That's all you'll ever be. Return to sender. You're too broken to mend. You're worthless now, just settle with what you have. To do what you want is to deny what you need, just lie there and bleed in your sin. Give in. Give up. You can't win. You're corrupt. Far past any change you could make. 
   You stand before God, clothed in the meager leaves you have sewn, staring up from the grave you have dug, you're alone and bare before your almighty Creator. With tears in your eyes, you stare into the only grace you have ever known. All you have to do is reach up and touch his cloak, believing in the healing power of God's only son. Accepting that the uphill battle you constantly fight, He's already won. Just believe, and the rest is history.

   I'm struggling so much with the limitations of my humanity and the guilt of my sin, and this is just the out-pour of my heart right now. I'm just trying to combat these feelings with God's promises. The grace of God trumps everything.
   The verse I keep repeating over and over again is Jonah 1:9, but I'm going to give a little more of the passage to put it into perspective. This is a prayer from Jonah to God when he is stuck in the belly of a huge fish that has just eaten him. (Such a crazy awesome story.) All things considered, at least I'm not being digested by a giant smelly fish right now.
Jonah 1:6-9
 "To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O Lord my God. When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, Lord, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple. Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs. But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the Lord."
   (The bold parts are my favorite parts.) The more I think about it, the more I feel like Jonah. God is telling me to go one way, and I'm just being a giant brat and going the other way. I should have gone to Ninevah. Now I'm just chilling here with partially digested whale food. The cool thing is, that God is teaching me and growing me into a stronger person while I'm down here swimming in stomach acid. I can throw up tons of prayers to God while I myself am waiting to be thrown up. He listens to my prayers and loves me just as much as if I would have chosen Ninevah in the first place. God is awesome, and I'm just fish food.