Eye of the tiger

   I'm fighting so hard for my life right now. (Cue Rocky Theme Music)  I realize that there is so much spiritual warfare going on in my life and my parents' lives as well. For some reason, Satan really wants me depressed and distracted from God and his plan for my life. Punch after punch of parental issues bombards me and stuns my ability to react and guard myself against them.
   I'm groaning to God for strength to guard my heart and defend myself from Satan's attacks. I'm praying for awareness and wisdom to realize when I am attacking myself as well.
   I thought that my surgeries were the hardest trial I would ever face, and I was dead wrong. I'm in a raw emotional place once again, but the weird thing is that I have joy. I have joy in Christ because he is on my side. He loves me no matter what. He's never leaving or forsaking me, no matter how much of a doofus I may be. More than ever, God has sustained me and brought me peace.
   I have hope amidst this seemingly unending emotional knock-outs, God is molding me and shaping me into a strong woman to accomplish His will. I don't know what it is yet, but I know that what I'm going through now is preparing me for it.
   I don't want to lose myself amidst all this chaos. I don't want to forget who I am. I'm trusting God from now on even though I feel like I'm sinking in despair. Even in the pit of my despair (yeah I thought of the Princess Bride when I typed that and totally did not intend it), God is next to me, carrying me, loving me though I may choose to ignore it. He is still in control.
    It's time to stop drowning and start kicking my legs and swimming to the surface. Instead of focusing on how awful this situation is, I'm going to start focusing on loving God, loving others, and loving myself. I'm going to live my life with purpose... God's purpose. (And know that even if I don't come out of this fight victorious, I know that Christ already came out victorious on my behalf.)

Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.