I'm not really in the mood to blog today, but it's been awhile since I've posted so here goes nothing. My parents continue to become more hostile toward each other. It's hard to avoid hearing them even when I'm hiding in the basement now. I've just learned to leave whenever it happens.
The hurt inside has started to grow numb and doesn't affect my life as much but hurts nonetheless. I'm leaning on God now more than ever, if you need some silver lining from this grim post. My friend and boyfriend have loved and supported me through the entire experience.
Divorce sucks. The whole family has become involved in our business and have taken sides. I've decided to remain neutral but apparently my family counts that as disloyalty. One relative has told me their opinion about my parents and it disturbs me that they even knows what's going on let alone have to tell me their opinion on the matter that has nothing to do with them. It's obviously not helping the situation so why say anything at all?
The need for justification can drive people to do crazy things. When a person needs to feel justified in his or her actions, they seek affirmation from others. When one stops feeling the need to be justified, they can start to heal. I can try to convince myself that how I live my life is okay, but if I don't believe it, I'm never going to move on to make it better.
I wish some people would figure that out. I'm so sick of being conspired against. I'm sick of my parents making each other look bad and feel bad so they can feel better about how they react toward the situation. I'm sick of how they and other people do the same thing to me.
I've been justified through faith so that's all the justification I need. God's got a specific purpose in mind for my sufferings. I may never know why but I'll give him the glory anyway. This hope that I have won't put me to shame, so I will continue to hope in God even when the world calls me foolish.
Well that's enough venting for one night. I'm in much need of some sleep. Goodnight world.
Romans 5:1-4
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
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