Kicked in the junk

   I'm not sure what to type about today. Once again, I have very little motivation to say anything at all. A verse just popped into my head though so maybe I should share:

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
  
   I'm weak. So weary of dealing with all of the negative voices in my head telling me that I won't amount to anything. Telling me I have no talent where it counts. Sure I'm funny and I can sing, but what will come of that? I'm weary of of the voices telling me that I'll never have any meaningful relationships, my marriage is going to suck thanks to my parents, I'm going to turn out just like my mother, whatever I do I will fail, I can't do anything responsible because I'm so impulsive and forgetful. The voices tell me my future is pretty grim, so I may as well just give up now and save myself the effort and heartache and pain.
   I cry out to God. Waiting for some giant revelation or epiphany to turn my life around. I'm expecting that I just need to figure out what point I'm missing, or what I'm doing wrong, fix it, and then everything will be okay. Then the week goes by and life catches up with me again, kicks me in the junk (figuratively of course cuz I'm a chick and I don't have any junk), beats me down, and in my weakness, I forget God.
   I'm slowly accepting the fact that life may never work out, but God's using all of this to make me stronger, dependent on Him, and it's all for my good. This is a low point in my life but I hold on to one thing... just like when your reading a depressing part of the bible, something beautiful happens. The most beautiful phrase in the entire bible (in my opinion.) You read something super discouraging and the you see two words... BUT GOD. For example:

Ephesians 2:3-9
  Among these we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, following the desires of body and mind, and so we were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. BUT GOD, who is rich in mercy, out of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with him, and made us sit with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God—not because of works, lest any man should boast.

   This is a "BUT GOD" moment in my life. It's awful and painful and it sucks... but God. That's it. God is with me. God is. God was. God is to come. He's in me, shaping me, molding me, and growing me. My life is just a pile of ashes, dust. But to quote the great band Gungor, "You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of the dust." God's making this giant crap-pile life into something beautiful.
   There is some sort of worth or value in me even though I can't see it at all. God doesn't make junk from what I've been told. God created me with some sort of purpose, with worth and value. All of this is something that is easily typed, but I'm still having trouble accepting it. The one thing I'm just going to hammer into my brain is: BUT GOD.