A prayer for prayer

   Is just abnormally depressed. I can't take it. I had a wonderful time in Chicago and then life crashed right back down on me. I have zero motivation to do anything. I'm surprised I even started typing this. Parents are separated, I screwed things up with my best friend, and I just feel like an awful person. I'm running through all of the things I've failed at in life that just affirm why I'm an awful person.
   I'm going through all the things I need to do this week like homework, job searching, cleaning, filling out school papers... it's overwhelming me. I'm trying to depend on God but it's harder than ever. I've never ever felt so alone, so inadequate, and so worthless. I'm just at my wit's end.
   I know God is here. He's loving me this very second. I'm so blinded by all of this crap in my life that I can barely see Him, or even grasp that concept. 
   I just hate everything about myself right now and about my life. I'm not sure where to go from here. I have no motivation to pray. I don't even really want to pray, scarily enough... but I'm going to. I'm going to pray the hardest when it's hardest to pray. I don't know what to pray for, but I do know that I need to pray regardless.
 
 -God, life is tough right now. Satan is attacking me from every angle. I can feel my attention being pulled away from You. I don't want this. I want to fight it, but I have no fight left in me. I have nothing to offer you and I barely have the energy to talk to you. My hope is slipping through my fingers. I don't know what to ask of You. This is a time where I can only let the Holy Spirit discern what my heart is crying for me. I have faith that you know what I need and that you will provide according to your will. I'm just so depressed and broken-hearted. My problems are stacked like a great wall in front of me with no way to pass it. The word "impossible" just flashes across my brain in giant, red, capitol letters. Please give me peace, and wisdom to sort out all the nonsense my head is telling me and to listen to your truth. I don't know what else to do anymore, God. I'm just worn down. There is nothing left of me. Please fill me, restore me, heal me, love me. I need you. I need your love to shine and burst through my darkness.
Amen


Romans 8:26
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.