So I was reading Amos today and just couldn't connect. You have those days where it seems nothing you read in the bible is relevant to your life? Ashamedly, I have. A lot. ...So come on... Admit it... You have too... Did you admit it? ...Yeah? ...Don't you feel better now?? ...Does blog post feel like an episode of Dora the explorer? (You know where Dora asks a question and waits for you, the audience, to respond but you never respond because you're too old and too cool to throw all caution to the wind and talk to a tv? I feel like this entry is just like that.)
I was praying earnestly that God would open up my foolish eyes so I could see what in the world is in the book of Amos that He could possibly want me to learn today. (I felt like one of the disciples trying to understand one of Jesus' parables.) God blessed me tonight, and He revealed some wisdom from Amos.
That's actually not the point of my post today. Psyche! Sorry if that's disappointing. The point today is, MAN am I restless for God's presence!!! I feel like every day is a fight for my faith. Every day is a struggle to seek God, but, by the grace of God, I don't give up.
I haven't felt God's presence in a while... Does that make me a bad christian? Is my heart far away from God? Am I doing something wrong? Is it my fault? Is God punishing me? Every single day, though, those questions bombard my brain, making me feel helpless and inadequate. The answer to all of that is no, thankfully. Maybe I don't feel God's presence because God is growing me spiritually.
In a podcast I've been listening to, Dr. John Coe explains it best. (BTW I highly suggest listening to him... the podcasts are lengthy but totally worth it. Link shall be at the bottom... Not the character from Zelda, but a link for the podcast... Oh boy it is time for bed...) Basically he says that as soon as we become Christians, we are like newborn babies. Just like a newborn baby with a bottle, we are fully dependent on God and His presence to keep us growing and healthy. As we grow we need to be weaned off the bottle (God's presence). Because nowhere in the bible does it say that we need to feel God's presence in order to be near Him.
God is just weaning me off the bottle, but right now I am feeling withdrawal. I have to say though, that I really don't need to "feel" God's presence to know He's there. He's in me, He's all around me. He's growing me and forming me into all that His will requires me to be. I will seek God, not for the reward of feeling His presence, but because I love God. I desire to know Him more, to please Him, to love Him, and to be loved by Him more everyday. I am not giving up. I have faith.
I am restless for God, and holy moses, it is an awesome feeling.
Amos 4:2
The Sovereign Lord has sworn by his holiness: "The time will surely come when you will be taken away with hooks, the last of you with fishhooks.
...See?! I mean... fishhooks?! That is pretty morbid in my opinion... and painful... okay but here is the serious verse from Amos that I loved....
Amos 4:13
He who forms the mountains, who creates the wind, and who reveals his thoughts to mankind, who turns dawn to darkness, and treads on the heights of the earth— the Lord God Almighty is his name.
...Just a reminder of how Sovereign and Powerful and Awesome and Huge our God really is. Not only is He the lover of my soul, but he is the fighter for my soul. He will and can not be messed with.
http://www.biola.edu/spiritualformation/lecture/
(It will take you to a page with a bunch of links under a bunch of titles, just click on the one that says audio. I suggest you take a listen to them all, but my favorites are the ones titled "Drawing Near to God When God Seems Far Away", and "Going on with God in Dark Nights."
Link is at the bottom as well.
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