I want to be strong and beautiful like my friend Laura. She is so amazing and I've only really gotten to know her for a little over a week, and I absolutely love her. She is an absolute blessing in my life. Her personality is the perfect example of who I want to be. She is caring, compassionate, encouraging, always positive, wise, and so in love with God. So today we spent time together along with my friend Lara, watching old vhs tapes and just chilling together.
I've been so blessed to have people in my life. I praise God for the awesome community He has provided for me. If it weren't for my friends like Laura, Ashley, Lara, Jacob, the entire college bible study group, and my youth Pastor Weston, I would be in a much darker place than I was 3 weeks ago.
God has provided me with so much that I just cannot fathom His love for me. God has given me a community of new and old friends, a year of paid college tuition, financial aid to pay for textbooks, an awesome job at Goodwill, a grandmother who believes in me and my musical abilities enough to buy me a $400 keyboard, the wisdom to realize that my relationship with Christ is not where it should be, and a stronger heart to cope with these trials I face.
I'm listing these blessings because right now, I miss my ex so much. I've come to the point of almost texting him but erasing it before I could send it. I've prayed for God to be my strength, because I have none left.
Sometimes, it's nice having ADHD because one minute I feel depressed and lonely, and then I think of something else, or I see something shiny, or I hear Katy Perry on the radio, then I forget all about it. Hopefully this will be the case right now. I'll just continue to pray about it and maybe cram a bunch of family guy in my noggin before I fall asleep.
I've started reading the book Love Wins by Rob Bell. You know, that's the guy who is being called a heretic for writing that book by a bunch of people who haven't even read the book. Christian people can be so bogus sometimes, myself included. I've only gotten through the first couple of chapters, but it's already stretched me with all the questions it has raised.
I'm glad I'm reading it because it's forcing me to develop my beliefs about God and salvation and it's helping me become more sure of what I believe and why I believe it. It's also been a nice distraction. I need as many distractions as I can get right now.
So anyway, I'm somewhat in a rut right now. My heart is heavy, my soul is restless, but God loves me. I trust God and his perfect provision. He's blessed me with so much right now so I can get through this dark time. He will never leave me or forsake me. God has given me a joy that withstands the most difficult of trials, a peace that surpasses all understanding, and an attention span that lasts as long as an A-list celebrity marriage.
Psalm 32:7
You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Psalm 46:10
Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.
Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God is with you,
the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.
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