Monday, June 18, 2012

Almost beautiful

   Today was perfect. I'm just in a euphoric state right now. God has blessed me beyond my capacity to receive blessing. Holy moses. Let's begin with this morning, shall we? Let's start at the beginning, a very good place to start... Sound of Music reference, anyone? The song Do Re Mi? Anybody? No? Okay moving on.
   I decided to go to the Nazarene church this morning since I didn't have to sing on worship team and since it was Jacob's last Sunday in Galesburg. (sniffle) The worship... was... GLORIOUS! So different than how we worship at Bethel! People were definitely rockin out to some epic Jesus music. I could dance (even more so than I do at Bethel) and not stand out in the crowd because everyone else was doing it too. I got to praise God with my entire being and it was glorious.
   Then I went to pizza hut for lunch and hung out more with the naz people. It was such a blessing to be surrounded by peers and Godly men and women just chillin and eatin pizza. It's not something I get to do very often, surprisingly.
   Then some of the girls decided to go paddle boating at lake storey and I was invited with them. My favorite ginger brought her ukelele and we paddled and sang to our hearts content out on the lake. It was weird to have high school students and peers genuinely want to hang around me. They all really care about me. I asked God for a friend, and He just floods me with a church full of them!
   Then I ventured to the college group bible study. (Held at the same place as Soul Survivor.) We discussed John 2. The chapter about judgement. The chapter with one of the verses that slapped me in the face with conviction when I first read it. "Mercy triumphs over judgement." So I talked a lot during that discussion because that verse has had such an impact on my life. Let's face it, I talk a lot period. I guess I've come to terms with that now. I think having ADHD and excessive talking go hand in hand, like 4am and taco bell, like bacon and more bacon, like music and everything, like peanut butter and ladies. (Just kidding, I had to throw that quote from Talladega Nights in there.)
   Then we went to the pond to go swimming. I sat on the dock because I'm a huge weenie. I hate water. I mean, I can stand in the shallow end of a pool, but I panic when I have to swim in the deep end. I know how to swim, it's just... okay yeah, I'm just a huge weenie. Let's just leave it at that.
   I got to chat it up with my friends about my life. Someone asked about my scar, so I told her about the hip surgeries. Then we talked about school, what I was planning to do with my life. I mentioned wanting to transfer to Hillsong College, but told her I was trying to be realistic about it and it was more of a dream than anything. And she and the others around me encouraged me to go for it. To have someone who didn't know me very well encourage me and believe in me to follow that dream was... well, new. I've never had anyone say that to me before. It was awesome and a blessing to have that kind of interaction. I genuinely felt like everyone cared about me.
   I walked back up with my friend Laura. She and I chatted about the frustrations of having a disability. She has palsy, and walks with a limp. Laura is a beautiful woman of God. I love her to death. So anyway, we chatted about the annoyances of having people worry about you so much and being overprotective of you when you struggle with walking. We talked about the hatred of the "pity stares" from people as they watch us limp. We bonded on so many different levels this weekend and as we climbed up the hill to get back to the house, we shared our struggles and triumphs. We got to the top of the hill, and I did a Rocky Balboa dance, sang the song, and shuffled around, punching the air like a doofus because I felt like we had conquered more than just that ridiculously steep hill together.
   Not once this entire weekend, did I feel alone or ugly... quite the opposite. I felt loved, and... not as ugly on the inside anymore, almost beautiful even. I mean, if I was such a horrible person with such an ugly personality, why would I have gotten along with so many new people and made a bunch of new friends over the course of 2 days?
   I still felt minor stabs of insecurity, but nothing even close to what I usually feel. God is taking care of me. I have been praising Him for every second of this perfect weekend. I give God the glory for it all.
   The drive home consisted of Gungor blasting through my crappy stereo speakers, windows all the way down, driving 70...ish... just singing my heart out and praising God for everything. "You make me new, you are making me new."

Ephesians 3:14-21
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.

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