Soul Survivor

   Soul Survivor. A freakin epic weekend. Neither of those were complete sentences, but wow, I am just so pumped right now! God has blessed me with a jam-packed weekend of serving, mud wrestling (more on that later), new found friendships, and awesome time to fellowship and glorify Him together.
   I left Friday evening right after work, and did not know what to expect at all. After a stressful drive there, I was a little nervous and anxious about what I was about to face. I got there and all of the students were playing these epic games that one would play, like on Survivor or whatever. They were hanging from ropes, problem solving, and it was all very intimidating but exciting at the same time.
   I asked the man in charge, Jacob, (awesome bro of God... yeah... I said bro of God) what he needed help with. He pointed me to the kitchen, but they had everything taken care of... so I wandered til I found someone I sort of knew. I ran into a lovely lady, Laura, who attends the college bible study and helped her with the game she was running.
   We totally bonded from the start. We have similar outgoing personalities, taste in music, and almost even the same faith story. We are both struggling with a break up... yeah... seriously. God is so good at piecing people's lives together for the purpose of fellowship and comforting. God is good, period.
   So all day we hung out and chatted and then she introduced me to some awesome students who accepted me right off the bat. I had never felt so wanted or so loved. Then we had dinner, worshiped and Jacob presented the message. The message was about baggage. The theme was "What is in your backpack?" The passage from the bible was about the prodigal son in Luke 15:11. Jacob talked about the things we hold on to, like guilt, bad relationships, pain, and other things... wow. A shot straight to the heart, courtesy of God. (Shot to the heart! And your to blame, darlin. You give looove a bad name!)
   It's so hard to see past my imperfections and guilt and see God's love for me in spite of all that. In my worst moment, God still loves me. Jacob said that Jesus didn't die on the cross so you to hang on to your burdens. I am free from them now. I don't have to let them weigh me down, all I have to do is trust God with them.
   So then I hung out some more with a ton of amazing people, singing Relient K, Britney Spears, and various artists, all to an acoustic guitar played by an awesome broster. It was so awesome, by the way, to see so many men of faith step up and serve not only God, but the women too.
   I got to participate in a small group and the discussion was led by the awesome broster who played guitar. As we closed in prayer, he asked for a volunteer but made it very clear that he wanted a man to step up and pray and lead the women. It was an epic sight to behold. There are so many times in my life I am disappointed by men who don't step up to pray or lead and leave it to the women... but that's a whole different subject...
   Today I woke up at 5:40 am with my awesome bunk mate Laura. The day plugged on with more games in the morning and more worship and another message. More about the prodigal son. Well, actually it was about his brother this time. We talked about what burdens the other brother carried in his backpack. The brother placed his identity in pleasing others and his reputation. So when he realized his runaway, sleazy brother was getting a party for returning home, he was furious. He thought he deserved a party. Then small group discussion ensued and that was wonderful.
   God really spoke to me about letting go of my burdens of guilt, self-criticism, and pleasing others. It is so easy to get caught up in what others think of you that it becomes an idol in your life. I love to perform, so obviously I love to please others. I love making people smile and laugh. I don't see any worth in myself, so seeing others laugh at my jokes or react to something I said or did, helps affirm that maybe there is worth in me after all. Since I don't see my worth in myself, I try to please others who see the worth in me, so that I might catch glimpses of what they see. (Pretty profound self analysis, right? It comes from years of practice. No one is better at analyzing myself than me.) I get so addicted to making people laugh that it sometimes becomes offensive, or just draws too much attention to myself. I am glorifying myself, when I could be using my words to glorify God.
   Okay, then the afternoon games started. Oh boy. Let me tell you. Mud games. I got to play mud games. There was an obstacle course set up with giant tires sticking out of the ground, and four 2 feet deep water pits. This was all on a giant tarp... covered in mud. The object of the game was to run through the course, jump over the pits and run through the tires to the other side, grab as many items as you can (like basketballs, inner tubes, pool noodles, beach balls) and bring them back. With four other teams going at the same time. I got to play, and I was happier than... well... a pig in mud... pun intended.
   I only slipped and fell once or four times, and got into an epic wrestling match with two leaders and a student over random objects for points for my team. I was absolutely COVERED in mud. It was all in my hair, caked on my arms, legs and back, stained in my new swim suit, and even caked in my eyelashes! Oh it was glorious! I had so much stinkin fun!
   It was a wonderful distraction from my current burdens. Like, I won't get to see my dad on father's day for the first time ever, and the other same old burdens I've been dealing with.
   Overall, God blessed me with just an epicly fun weekend. I grew closer to Him, learned more about my burdens, and got sooooo messy.  Now comes the time I start analyzing everything that went on this weekend and second guess myself. It's the part where I forget how much fun I had and start to feel horrible about myself. I'm not going to do that this time. I'm going to focus on the blessing God has bestowed (what a big fancy word) on me. Here comes the part of my post where I give you a verse that I love! Guess what it is!!!

 James 1:17
 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
~My life verse!!!~