Funny Girl (like Barbra Streisand)

   Survival of the (not so) fittest. That's most of what my life has been about. Surviving and adapting. Growing up, I got teased a lot. I was always overweight, so that was mostly what I was teased about. I never had any "redeeming qualities" in the eyes of society because people who didn't know me couldn't look past my weight. It sucked being looked at and judged on a such a surface level. So I had to adapt to survive. I had to become the "funny girl." (Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter! ...from one of my fav-o musicals, Funny Girl)
   I hate being teased. (Who does?) I hate being mocked and made fun of for my weight or other anything else, so I adapted to become the person you laugh with rather than at. If I could make you laugh by something I did, then it almost felt like I was making you my ally. I felt so accepted when I was performing and getting good results. If I could make you laugh at my jokes, it would prevent you from laughing at me. I sometimes wonder who I would be today if I didn't grow up overweight.
   Why do I bring this up? Well, I don't know. I've just been getting teased a lot lately. Some of my friends do it, not maliciously of course, but they don't really understand how much teasing bothers me so I let it slide. (Because then I'd have to go through this whole explanation of why teasing bothers me so much and in the end, it's really not worth it.) Some people tease me for being too thin. I mean, I am thankful for being at a good, healthy weight now, but it still kind of hurts being teased for being "too thin that I might blow away."
   Tonight was one of those nights where I really had to put on a show to keep from being teased. I was teased about silly things that really shouldn't have bothered me at all, but it really did. When I feel like I lose control of a situation (the situation being that I am being laughed at instead of laughed with), then I go into panic mode. I start trying to hard to gain back that acceptance. Well, tonight I just gave up on that... I was too tired to try "regaining control."
   I'm exhausted. Tomorrow will be day 3 out of five that I work. Days one and two were both 6 hour days, tomorrow is an eight and a half hour day. I'm so thankful though, that God provided me this job and all the hours I've been getting with it.
   Why am I up so late you ask? Well, I really wanted to get some bible reading in before bed. I'm reading through Psalm and Proverbs in 31 days and all of the major prophets of the old testament in 60 days. BUT the real reason I wanted to read my bible is cuz I need God to speak some truth in my life and I needed to take the focus off myself and my momentary hurt. God is so awesome and I needed a reminder.
   ...Would I have turned out the same today if I hadn't grown up overweight? I don't know, but I do know that God created me beautiful (no matter how much I weigh), and with a purpose in mind. So even though I suffered through high school teasing, judgement, harassment, exclusion, and loneliness, God used it to make me stronger, funnier, more reliant on Him, and overall just a better person.
   God has blessed me with an amazing weight loss journey, two healed hips, and all the humor in the world to make people laugh in the darkest of days... okay maybe not that much humor, but still... So you curious as to how much I used to weigh? No? Well I'm telling you anyway... just so you know and just so I embarrass myself enough to never weigh that much again... well, here it comes...

This is me (18 years old) as a senior... at 220 lbs...

 This is me at 21... 136 lbs.

I've lost 84 lbs... and I still want to lose another 20 lbs or so.