Wait and See

   I am in a state of unrest. Today shall be a busy day. I start with a voice lesson at 12-1 and work from 2-8. Then straight from work to worship team practice to work on my solo for church on Sunday. But that's not why I'm restless. I am restless for God right now. I am so excited to do His will but I am just waiting right now... the unrest seems to build, but I know that I'm waiting for a reason. I may think I am so ready to take the world by storm, but God's got some more growing to do in me.
   I've been struggling with forgiveness and judgement for the past couple of days. God has been ever so patient with me. I am forgiving. I'd like to think I have forgiven so and so, but I'm waiting on God. I noticed that the things that once bothered me and caused me to judge, have turned to understanding and mercy. Only God could bring me to this place, it wasn't my own doing, that is for sure and certain.
   I thought I would be struggling with this for a very long time. I'm just surprised God has healed me so quickly. I guess after all I have been through, I should not be so surprised anymore. This journey I am on, this summer of healing is not going to be all roses and daisies and rainbows. It's going to be full of discipline and... well, let's face it, healing can be messy. With healing comes scars.
   I had a lot of baggage. It's not that my baggage has disappeared... it's that God is showing me how to carry it better. There will always be baggage, but my God will help me carry it. I'm listening to a podcast right now about worship. I just heard a lovely quote "It's not that your situation always changes when you praise God, but we change. Our perspective changes. We are reminded how loving He is when we sing of His goodness." (Diane White.)
   So now that I'm out of the valley and on the mountain top, I will not stop praising God. Sometimes when we feel we are in a healthy place, we forget that we are still sick; we are still in need of God. Now starts the battle with myself to remember that I still need God in my state of joy and blessing.
   I am not going to take back control of my life now that it is better. (That's what usually happens.) I pray now more than ever to remember my need for God, remember where I came from, and remember that He's not finished with me yet.

Wait and See by Brandon Heath