Crap day.

   What a rough day. I had a great week, but today just kind of crapped on that. I've had an awful day full of awful mishaps. I got home from work and just wanted to crawl right into bed. When I told my mom I had a terrible day and I was exhausted and going to bed, she said "Well I am exhausted too and I work early in the morning too, but I can't go to bed because I've got too much to do."
   She emphasized just the right words at just the right times to hint that I was a wimp and she is working harder than me so I should just man up.
   She's partially right, so instead of going to bed, I packed. I packed all my clothes, books, and some other miscellaneous things while I watched Zombieland, which definitely brightened my mood. Just when things started looking up, I tried to move a heavy box of books. I lifted and turned and ow. I twisted my hip. I managed to carry the box of books out of my room and then started sobbing and writhing in pain.
   I'm so frustrated with myself. For being an awful daughter, for thinking I could push my hips to do things normal hips could do. I'm frustrated for having to move. I'm frustrated at my dad for making my mom and I do this all on our own. I don't want to be frustrated at my dad, because I love him so much and I know he is lonely living on his own, but I am.
   I've tried so hard to be strong. Strong for myself, and especially strong for my mom. She's been breaking down, so I know that I have to be strong for her. It's hard though. Especially going through school and working and living my own life on top of that.
   All I can do is cry out to God to be my strength. I don't have anymore. To everyone on the outside, life seems to be going well for me. I just got one of the leads in the school musical, I'm going to school for free, I'm studying music, I have a great job, and I am working in and a member of an amazing church family.
   I seem to be happy most of the time, and most of the time I am pretty happy. But there are always these issues scratching and scraping away at my security from underneath the surface. It's not that I am depressed, or unhappy, or faking it. It's just that there is so much more going on underneath.
   I am truly happy about moving. It's a fresh start in a different house with no memories attached to its' walls. I'm excited to have a new (freshly painted) room that isn't in a gross basement. It's just that I don't like the circumstances under which we are moving. I don't like doing this on my own. I don't like not having my daddy here to help me. I miss him so much.
   Anyway that's enough whining out of me for one night. I'm sure you get the picture. I'm just overwhelmed and tired. I need to pray and go to bed, and maybe ice my hip and pray that I'll be able to walk around tomorrow morning so I can go to work. Goodnight everyone.