In the middle of my busy hectic crazy schedule today, I realized something. It isn't in my trials and tribulations that I abandon God, or even shift my focus from Him. It's actually when life is going pretty well... when life gets crazy, hectic.
I realized this while driving to school today. I realized how long it had been since my time alone with God hadn't felt rushed or felt like a transition between two more important activities. That realization hit me hard. I immediately stammered through an apologetic prayer going something like... "I'm an idiot, God. It's not that you aren't my number one priority. I guess I've just been distracted. I miss you. I'm sorry. Please accept my awkward apology. I'm such an idiot."
I allllmost made the mistake of asking for some trials to get me to focus on God again... Good thing I'm not THAT foolish. Wink wink, nudge nudge. God's giving me what I need right now, which is humility. Now that I've committed myself to Him through the awful times, He's showing me that I need Him just as much through the good times.
I will never be able to live life on my own, without God. I pray that my pride does not ever get in the way of my relationship with God or doing His will. It's funny how I've been getting so caught up and focused on doing God's will, that it's actually hindered me from doing His will. Does that make sense? I'm so caught up in the doing. I've become a pharisee. There I said it. I admit it.
I pray for wisdom through these hectic times of blessing. I'm starting to get things that I want, and I don't know how to handle it! I have a lead in the musical, a wonderful home, money to spare (and save), and life seems to be settling down.
I'm so thankful for everything God has given me, and I will never cease to praise Him. My continuing prayer right now is "Lord empty me, for I am full of myself. I'm a pharisee, caught up in works and wealth." Yeah, be amazed. That somewhat rhymed.
I was reading Jeremiah today and this verse totally caught my eye...
Jeremiah 17:5-8
This is what the Lord says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
6.He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert in a salt land where no one lives.
7.But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.
8.He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.
God is amazing. What a crazy relevant verse! I definitely needed it. So now I lay my pride aside to live by grace, so undeserved. ...My pride is actually now hanging in my closet next to an old poster of Orlando Bloom. Yeah I went through an Orlando Bloom phase. No shame.
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